omg rant

beep beep semi-vicious rant ahead warning beep beep

Okay, so a little back story about this whole mess. I live in a very conservative Mormon family smack in the middle of Utah. Mormons are everywhere, so you are constantly surrounded by their influence. For the past few years I have been really struggling with my faith, and I eventually began to realize what was wrong with it, and now I've disregarded the church altogether. Although I don't consider myself part of the LDS church anymore, Mormons don't exactly let you go very easily. I am still forced to go to several activities and go to Sunday School, which frustrates me, but isn't the main issue. With this upcoming school year, my mother is forcing me to take seminary, even though I REALLY don't want to. Seminary is basically an hour and a half long Sunday school lesson every other day of the week. I have already taken the class before and it is really bad environment for me. I don't like being in a place where close-minded people are aloud to say anything prejudice and judgmental whenever they want, and I have to remain silent. I confronted my mother about this, and she wouldn't have any of it. She keeps saying "you need to go" without giving me a reason why. I explained to her that it's more than just a petty disliking to the class, that I actually do not feel comfortable in that class and it is really tearing me down. She absolutely could not believe that a church environment is not for anyone. She keeps telling me that I'm wrong in my ways and that I do not have God in my life and that I am being influenced by Satan (she began thinking this when I said I supported marriage equality, a woman's right to get an abortion, etc.). I began explaining to her what being agnostic means and how I am an agnostic theist. She could not and would not fathom the fact that God is not the absolute center of my life. She was still not taking me seriously in the fact that I have pretty much no faith in this church. Anytime I would say anything regarding my faithlessness, she would respond with a "no, you're wrong, and I'm right because I believe in THIS-" and would go off on what she believes without even considering what I said. Eventually broke down and said I had absolutely no faith in this church, and called her out on being too possessive and forcing her beliefs on me. She said it was a covenant she had mad to force me to belief in the church. I was absolutely appalled that she cared more about a promise with someone we don't even know for sure exists over the mental health and well being of her own daughter. I broke down and said,"You know, teenagers have killed themselves over less than this. Your actions are the kind of actions that cause kids to do themselves in. If I died over this, how would you feel?" Next, she actually said this, "Well, at least we would have kept our covenants." I was in shock and starting bawling. She would rather have me dead and her still faithful than me still alive and a promise broken. Eventually I was just begging her to let me out of it, and she just kept shaking her head and smiling. SMILING. It pissed me off and started yelling at her. I said that being a good person matters more than being part of some church. It's what you do with your belief that matters. Then she started crying and said that I've caused her problems and called me an anti-Mormon, which upset me, because I absolutely do not hate the Mormon church. I just don't believe what they teach, there is such a big difference that she doesn't see. I eventually just left the argument after basically begging her to let me choose my classes, decided it wasn't worth my time. Over the past few weeks she has been forcing me to go to even more activities and has notified my church leaders of my unbelief and they have been treating me like a total project. I'm just really fucking pissed off, mostly about the "at-least-we-would-have-kept-our-covenants" part. I feel like she wouldn't care about me if I left the LDS church, and she doesn't care for my feelings or a opinions at all since she found out I had no faith. 

Anyways, if anyone has any advice for me or something, I would appreciate it.